Bizarre Windows Update issues with 8.1

  • Hi, both on my 6800K desktop PC and on my 4710HQ laptop, windows update in 8.1 is non-functional in a fresh install. No matter what i do, the updates don't get found, and nothing ever installs. The windows update sits on "searching" forever (searching for over 14 hours); the cancel button doesn't work, and neither can I close the update window.

    I've tried using the various updater troubleshooting tools MS provides, none of them work, I tried powershell commands along with sfc /scannow to no avail. I'd really love to get back off windows 10, as this issue was the only thing keeping me from using 8.1, and 10 is far less reliable.

    As a reminder, this is on a clean fresh install of windows 8.1 using the MS ISO on my laptop and desktop systems. Any idea what could be going on?

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